Sirened

A couple weeks ago I talked about America’s 1.1 trillion dollar equity loan debt and promised to offer ways for people to dig their way out of the ditch (perhaps literally). My first tip involved opening a Nigerian bank account since money flows from Nigeria like Eliot Spitzer’s cash at a Heidi Fleiss pot luck dinner.

But perhaps the proposal was a little too risky for many, especially considering that many cannot find Canada on a map let alone try to sort out banking details with an elder African tribesman. So this idea is much less risky and you don’t have to deal with strange foreigners…

Put the children to work! Child labor laws need to be reversed. Back in the day kids earned their keep, kept their manners and ate the overcooked vegetables and stale bread they were given. When they were lucky Dad would go and slaughter a pig in the yard and the kids would get some delicious pork rind for a treat.

These days kids have it too good, not only do they not provide for the household, they in fact suck the precious resources from the family treasury with all their needy requests and wants-Playstations, Barbies, bicycles, Disney, braces and the list goes on. Kids need to learn the value of balancing a check book and being in the black, instead of a perpetual red throughout pimplehood.

With all the needs of society, how is a regular joe supposed to provide for his wife, children and mistress without refinancing his castle? Something has to give and that something is the hippie kids who keep taking and not giving back. Now I’m not suggesting the kids should work in mills or shoe factories, but 10 cents a pop for lemonade just doesn’t cut it. Kids need to learn about the American entrepreneurial spirit and that means not stopping at just one lemonade stand but branching it into a powerful juice empire.

Kids need to learn the value of hiring and firing employees and the nature of crushing competition. Once they understand these principles they will be able to generate enough money to not only pay for themselves but also that lavish trip to Aspen you’ve been planning. And don’t be duped by “I love you” and “please, I just want to go home,” stay strong and start counting the cash!

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

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