Sirened

Sirened was only gone for a month, but during that time a ton has happened. Here are my thoughts on what has transpired, in chronological order from super stale to semi fresh.
The John Edwards affair: Didn’t surprise me at all. How can you trust a guy who says fighting poverty has become his life’s mission and then goes out and gets a $400 haircut, then runs an ad that poor people helped fund to discuss “how pretty” he is. Thank goodness Edwards didn’t win the democratic nomination. Then again, it would have made for a hell of an interesting convention! …read more

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Yesterday was just another day in John McCain’s train wreck journey toward the White House. Here we see George-John BuCain telling everyone to stay out of the sun, while standing in the sun.
Considering the unbelievable disaster that is the current state of the United States, how many points do you think Obama would be up right now if he was white? Combine this with the fact that McCain is a bumbling old man that makes no sense and my guess is 25 points. I’d say an all white Obama would be at around 60% and McCain would be at 35%. …read more

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Oil Companies? Oil Speculators? Irresponsible consumers? Irresponsible governments? Nope, according to this new John McCain ad, there is only one person to blame for $4 a gallon gas and that is Barack Obama.

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Woohoo! The Democratic National Convention is just over a month away and homeless people can barely contain their excitement. Why? Because they’re going to the zoo!
Not only that, but the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless is also planning on scoring them 500 movie tickets as well as tickets for the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. That’s fantastic because if there’s one thing that homeless people are deprived of, it’s being in touch with nature.
Now the naysayers out there are suggesting that this is just a cheap ploy to get rid of the homeless who would otherwise be in close …read more

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Holy crap, I had to watch about two minutes of this clip before I realized this was real and not a joke. Here’s a terribly wonderful infomercial from 1994 about “mastering the internet”, featuring Napoleon Dynamites brother’s doppelganger and filmed in Florida, of course.
Did you know that in 1994 there were 10,000 people using Al Gore’s internets?-”And in the next decade that number is expected to go up by 50%.” Wow, he really goes out on a limb with that projection. I mean seriously, he really thought that 15,000 people would be on the internet by 2004? Yeah sure, and …read more

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Another month has come and gone, and slowly we’re all getting older and crustier. Here’s a look back at some of the highlights from June.
Prescription drugs kill more people than illegal drugs. We also learned that nobody in the state of Florida died from marijuana in 2007.
The fact that nobody died from marijuana in Florida led me to wonder, is it even humanely possible to die from an overdose of weed?
June saw Europe go nuts with Euro Cup fever. So I decided to list 10 things that annoy me about soccer.
John McCain might be old and decrepit now, but …read more

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If Barack Obama truly is the next JFK, he certainly needs a blond bomb shell to prove it. Happy birthday mister presidential hopeful because you’ve found that in Scarlett Johansson!
In a June 10th article on Politico.com, Johansson said “You’d imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly ‘on’ — how can he return these personal e-mails?” Yeah sure, you would think that if it was Rosie O’Donnell or Whoopi Goldberg but it’s Scarlett Johansson. You make time!
In that Politico interview, Johansson also talked about how she’s helping her crush get elected president “I’ll tell them I …read more

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The US economy needs a jump start and perhaps the presidential elections will be just the ticket. At the moment you can pick up John McCain condoms at McCaincondoms.com. Don’t think these are just novelty condoms either, they are in fact the real deal!
McCain condoms are “old but not expired” and the site advertises that you should “give your ‘troops’ the protection they need.”
The condoms aren’t cheap, they are $9.95 for a pair plus $3 for shipping and handling. But hey, if you want to last longer I’m sure seeing John McCain on your johnson will be right for …read more

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Wow, that sure is a delicious looking latte! And it’s not just any old latte either, it’s a French brioche latte, served in a bowl. Why is it served in a bowl? Ask Al Gore, he knows. Perhaps it has something to do with the environment.
Al Gore’s elitist endorsement of Barack Obama last night was huge. If there is one area that Obama needs to solidify, it’s the latte sipping, Prius driving, gay marriage parade, save the whales foundation, vegan hippie elitists. Al Gore gives Barack Obama this much needed boost.
And was there a more fitting place than Detroit, Michigan …read more

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This short clip from CNN crunches the numbers. In a nutshell, if you make less than $112,000 a year, you will get a bigger tax break with a Barack Obama presidency than a John McCain presidency. But if you make over $2.9 million a year, ouch, Obama plans to raise your taxes by $700,000!
So Sirened recommends that readers who make less than $161,000 a year vote for Barack Obama (even at that income level Obama plans to cut taxes by almost as much as McCain). And readers who make over $2.9 million should vote for John McCain since he …read more

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