For days the media has been all over the fact that separatist Gov. Sarah Palin’s 17 year old daughter Bristol is pregnant. Obama and his campaign have told everyone to lay off candidates children, something I agree with. But what is America to make of all this and who has the answers?

Luckily, respected American psychologist “Dr. Phil” decided to share his 2 cents on the Palin baby with Matt Lauer. Thank goodness for the wonderful insight from this TV personality who received his doctorate from the prestigious North Texas University.

Perhaps Dr. Phil can have a private consultation with Bristol. Of course, he then must share any new revelations with all of America.

Post from: Sirened

In a June 10th article on Politico.com, Johansson said “You’d imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly ‘on’ — how can he return these personal e-mails?” Yeah sure, you would think that if it was Rosie O’Donnell or Whoopi Goldberg but it’s Scarlett Johansson. You make time!

In that Politico interview, Johansson also talked about how she’s helping her crush get elected president “I’ll tell them I have some extra time, and ask where they can use me for two days. I’ll do cold calls, public service announcements, all different things to help out.” Cold calls! Can you imagine sitting on your couch and having the phone ring to find Johansson on the other end? You may want to nuke Iran, but you’ll probably give Scarlett a couple minutes.

Anyways, Michelle Obama must be on Barack’s ass about this because yesterday he came out and denied that Scarlett even has his personal email, saying an email was passed through his personal assistant Reggie Love. Barack said “she sent one email to Reggie, who forwarded it to me. I write saying, ‘thank you Scarlett for doing what you do,’ and suddenly we have this email relationship.”

So either Scarlett Johansson is delusional or Barack Obama is lying, either way Michelle is a drag and Scarlett must be crushed. Come on, even Natalie Portman recently said that Scarlett’s breasts are so spectacular that even she wanted to touch them. Geez, when are we going to have a bachelor running for president? Oh yeah, we had Bill Clinton, never mind!

image: flickr

Post from: Sirened

For decades George Carlin entertained us with his scathing critiques on politics, religion and the fun little nuances of society. Throughout his very long and extremely successful career, he was able to shed light on so many of life’s absurdities while being hysterical and sometimes even touching.

You would be hard pressed to find comedians who work in the field of political and social comedy and satire who have not been at least somewhat inspired by Carlin. How could you not? The man started his comedic career in the 1950’s, was the first host of Saturday Night Live in 1975 and was still working successfully up until he died.

This clip from some of his latest work is not his funniest, but in typical Carlin fashion it’s very poignant for the times. Some criticized parts of Carlin’s later work for being especially combative and pessimistic, to which Carlin replied “Scratch any cynic and you’ll find a disappointed idealist.”

Post from: Sirened

Now the YouTubes have created all sorts of embarrassing John McCain stuff, everything from speaking to Darth Vader to being at a rave. Of course this pales in comparison to the serious YouTube videos where McCain flip flops on every single issue imaginable.

Anyways, here’s John McCain with Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction. After this little scare McCain flew to France to meet with fellow womanizer Nicholas Sarkosy, where he also dined on a fabulous “Royale with Cheese.”

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Al Gore’s elitist endorsement of Barack Obama last night was huge. If there is one area that Obama needs to solidify, it’s the latte sipping, Prius driving, gay marriage parade, save the whales foundation, vegan hippie elitists. Al Gore gives Barack Obama this much needed boost.

And was there a more fitting place than Detroit, Michigan to unveil this century’s most prominent elitist? For decades, Detroit has experienced what some may call a “cultural renaissance.” Former auto factories where people once toiled have been closed down to become museums, reminders of a harsh working class past.

With the auto industry a thing of history, residents of Michigan are left with a lot of free time to enjoy their temperate climate, sitting on patios, enjoying the sun, sipping on lattes. This is the group Obama has so desperately courted and the reason he appeared with Sir. Al Gore in Detroit.

So Obama is in great shape now as he has long since locked up white working class voters who are bitter about guns and butter, or something. Also, man hating feminists-this group has a lot to say about Obama, check the Googles.

photo credit: flickr creative commons

Post from: Sirened

It’s clear that the star of Drop Dead Fred is an Obama supporter. I say we let the celebrities caucus to decide our next president, it’s about as fair as the current electoral system.

Post from: Sirened

This is particularly the case with CNN, who’s army of talking political heads is anchored by Wolf ‘The Beard’ Blitzer. Each night that a state has held a primary, CNN packs the studio with several fronts of talking heads and calls them “the best political team on television.” Now, I won’t dispute that claim given the sheer amount of talking heads and the subsequent mass of information that gets tossed at viewers as a result of so many opinions. Also, CNN has the best studio and graphics for its talking heads so that must count for something!

The talking political heads give us every bit of information we could possibly want to know-and often so much more! Like who won white Catholic voters under the age of 50? Or who won Bumblefuck County, Kentucky? Hmm, can I have ‘I don’t give a shit’ for $100 Alex? Is this really that important to the average person who isn’t working on a political campaign? Or even for many people that closely follow and write about politics such as myself. Absolutely not-but the networks have to fill air time.

But why not occasionally break to something else newsworthy during the primary coverage extravaganza? Why not give a brief update of oh, I don’t know, thousands of people dying in Myanmar and China (“news”) rather than incessant and self indulgent talking heads babble for hours on end. Like who won the racist lumberjack vote?

Even though I now live in Europe I still occasionally watch CNN’s political coverage because CNN International breaks to The Situation Room late at night (it’s like porn for political junkies). I will say that I sometimes find the talking heads amusing but I really think they should provide more entertaining demographic polls. Here are my proposals for Puerto Rico, South Dakota and Montana:

1)Who wins lonely white males most likely to become another ‘unabomber?’

2)Who wins promiscuous white catholic females under the age of 25?

3)Who wins gay midget voters?

4)Who wins white pedophiles? (only the ones that mucked up because they really believed she was 18, not the total sickos of course)

5)Who wins ‘busty’ Latin women?

6)White males with large penises? White males with small penises? Black males with large penises? Black males with sm-never mind.

photo credit: flickr creative commons

Post from: Sirened

This is a hilarious video of Faux News favorite Bill O’Reilly from back in the day on Inside Edition, his teleprompter doesn’t work and he goes absolutely bat shit over it. He kinda reminds me of a far far more intense version of Bill Murray’s weatherman character in the film Groundhog Day.

Anyways, this is another one for the ‘LOL’ category that I started earlier this week after I witnessed the totally awesome Gary Kasparov flying penis helicopter video.

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Hey, remember that fiasco that happened back in 2000, when we elected Al Gore as president but got George “pretend cowboy” Bush instead. Well, now you can relive that moment on May 25th with the HBO film Recount starring Kevin Spacey, Dennis Leary, Laura Dern and Tom Wilkinson. What a great cast! I can’t wait to see how they’ve portrayed my home state at the moment we fucked up the world.

I don’t just blame other Floridians either as I had a stake in the mistake too. In 2000, as a protest vote I decided to vote for Ralph Nader (obviously having no clue it would be so close), then I watched the election coverage and rooted for Al Gore. My best friend still likes to remind me how I helped fuck everything up. Thanks Brian!

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All kinds of celebrities have endorsed Barack Obama, if celebrities were Super Delegates Hillary would be done already. He’s even winning fake pretend endorsements from fictional Sesame Street characters!

In other Obama celebrity endorsement news, the real Tom Hanks recently released a video on his MySpace page endorsing Barack Obama. It’s not very funny unless you count how goofy Hanks looks or the fact that he felt the need to mention that African Americans were once thought of as 3/5 of a person in American history (that’s not funny of course except that he makes it seem like that’s part of the reason he’s endorsing Obama). At least he warns you ahead in the video that it’s another celebrity political endorsement.

Post from: Sirened