Sirened

While the other republican candidates have been traveling across the US competing to win states, Rudy Giuliani has been camped out in Florida for what seems like forever. Since coming to my home state, Rudy has managed to really get the 9/11 message out. In fact, he’s done such a great job of it; that I now feel like that creepy kid from The Sixth Sense- I see 9/11 everywhere!
Whether I’m in the grocery store, on the road, in bed or playing softball in the park-Rudy has managed to instill a solid 9/11 presence in the Florida air. It’s like I can constantly smell the intermingling aroma of …read more

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When people think of Florida they think of sunshine, Disney, beautiful keys, loads of great beaches and usually at worst, stupidity. Most visitors would not associate Florida with anger, but apparently Florida is the angriest state in the country as we are home to 5 of the 12 angriest cities! This list was actually formed in 2006 by Men’s Health, but I just found out about it when speaking to a friend of mine in Orlando the other day. Anyways, here’s the top 12:
1. Orlando, FL
2. St. Petersburg, FL
3. Detroit, MI
4. Baltimore, MD
5. Nashville, TN
6. Wilmington, DE
7. Miami, FL
8. Memphis, TN
9. Jacksonville, FL
10. St. Louis, MO
11. Chicago, …read more

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As a resident of Florida I sometimes like to write about the weirdness and criminals that add a little something extra to “the sunshine state.” Of the many criminals that flee various other states to take residence here, none are more notorious than “The Juice” OJ Simpson.
Simpson has been a resident of Miami for a solid decade now, ever since his “dream team” of lawyers acquitted him of murdering 2 people at his Beverly Hills estate. Since then he has enjoyed the Florida sunshine and the many golf courses our state has to offer. He has also enjoyed our favorable state laws towards criminals that have prevented the Goldman …read more

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Florida: A place for sunning, golfing, whacked out criminals and just plain old weird shit. Let’s see what’s been going on of late…
When someone gets busted for their second DUI in 3 months this is brilliant t-shirt to wear.
Redneck Floridian gives police tape of her and her husband torturing frogs, parakeets and chameleons. No word yet on whether Michael Vick was involved.
Woman puts oil on grocery store floor and stages fall. Too bad she was caught on video.
Legally armless and one legged driver who uses teeth, toes and stumps faces a handful of charges including drug possession and taking the police on …read more

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Here are some things going on in the refuge for criminals and crazies state…
Man arrested for shooting at Iraqi’s. Just a few problems here 1)There were no Iraqi’s present and 2)The incident occurred in Port Charlotte, Florida where the man fired at the neighbor’s air conditioning unit.
Patriot Missile Found in Tampa scrap yard. Shockingly, there was also an old World War II bomb found right off the side of a Florida highway in the same week!
Woman accused of choking and beating a woman allowed ahead of her on tea cup ride at Disney. 
Another incident of a husband stabbing his wife with a sword. Apparently …read more

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Go on any of the presidential candidate’s websites and the first thing addressed is money. They need your money to support their campaign because the more money they have, the louder their voice becomes and the more likely they are to be elected. This is what “democracy” in the United States has evolved into.
According to this chart on Opensecrets.org Hillary Clinton has raised the most money at $63 million and Barack Obama has raised the 2nd most at $59 million. It really is mind boggling, we are still 6 months from the Democratic primaries (and 16 months before the general election) and just …read more

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Over the weekend I saw a t-shirt in a Tampa shop that read “Florida: A Sunny Place For Shady People.” I thought it was fantastic; I couldn’t express that sentiment any better. Courtesy of Fark.com, here is a roundup of some recent Florida wackiness.
A woman with a new boob job gets peeped on in a Target fitting room. She and her husband are outraged and planning to sue.
Some dude steals a 79′ El Camino, holds onto it for a month, then calls the owner and tries to sell it back to him.
A day care center is set to open right next door to an apartment …read more

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I am a smoker and because Camel cigarettes marketing scheme is largely based on giving out free smokes at bars and sending coupons, I am on their mailing list. And I like being on their mailing list because hell, who doesn’t like to save money.
Thing is, when you save money on cigarettes it does not discourage you to stop smoking or smoke less. The obvious motivation to quit is for health reasons and I have quit before, only to pick it up again.
But I just received an email from Camel that bothered me, even as a smoker. The email is warning us that …read more

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The website Fark.com has news categories of all sorts from silly, sad, amusing, asinine to Florida. The “sunshine state” is so ridiculously fucked up that it has its own category. It is the only state privileged enough to have this on the Fark website.
As a resident of Florida for much of my life it is my belief that the welcome sign at the Florida border should read “Welcome Weirdo’s and Fuckheads, Please Come Live Here.” OJ Simpson took this advice when he left Beverly Hills for Miami. Under Florida laws, it is much more difficult for the Goldman family to take OJ’s …read more

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Today, Captain Lisa Nowak was charged with attempted murder in an Orlando, FL courtroom. The charges come as a shock because she is an astronaut, no surprise this would happen in Florida though. After all, it is the state OJ Simpson currently resides in.
Nowak drove 950 miles from Houston to Orlando to confront the girlfriend of a fellow astronaut who has clearly tickled her fancy. Nowak found Colleen Shipman in the Orlando International Airport’s parking lot. Shipman knew she was dealing with a nut bar as Nowak chased after her wearing a hood over her head. She was able to escape and contact …read more

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