Happy Independence Day America! I’m sorry I can’t be with you to celebrate, but rest assured that I will be bringing 4th of July to the town of Kalmar, Sweden tonight.

So put some real American dogs on the grill, have some beers and watch some shit explode in the sky. Another wonderful thing about today…exactly 200 days left of George Bush!

photo credit: me

Post from: Sirened

Ironically, my memory of Memorial Day actually failed me today because I live in Amsterdam now. I remembered Friday but then forget, until I came on the internet today. Since it’s not a holiday here it just slipped me.

The holiday equivalent of Memorial Day in The Netherlands is Remembrance day, which occurs on May 4th each year. Remembrance Day honors Dutch civilian and military personnel who have died since the beginning of World War II. On May 5th, the Dutch celebrate their liberation from German occupation that occurred from 1940-1945.

And even though American forces played an integral role in the liberation of Holland, it’s usually not good form to say something like “My Grandpa saved your Grandpa during the war” to a Dutch person. Although, if you’re really hell bent on saying this to a European, definitely say it to a Dutch person as they generally are very tolerant of things, shockingly so sometimes! And if you really want to piss someone off, say that to a French person!

Anyways, happy ‘Kicking Ass and Taking Names Day’ everyone!

photo credit: flickr creative commons

Post from: Sirened

Here’s Johnie McNuts sitting next to his decrepit old mom as they banter away about when John was born. John thinks it was on Friday, his Mom says Saturday, but given that it happened during the War of 1812, it’s sometimes difficult to recount such things. “He’s not perfect” Roberta McCain says, but she thinks he’ll make a great president…of the AARP of course.

Whoever edited this deserves immense credit for the countless takes they had to cut to make it seem like a somewhat coherent conversation took place here.

It’s shocking that with John McCain coming up on his 72nd birthday that his mother is still alive. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode involving the Mandelboms where they keep challenging Jerry to a TV lifting contest in the hospital. Each time the older Mandelbom throws his back out when he cannot lift the TV and Jerry is to blame every time for egging them on. Just when you think the oldest Mandelbom is in a hospital bed, an even older one appears to challenge Jerry for the Mandelbom name…Mandelbom, Mandelbom, Mandelbom!

And let me say, if my wife and I have a kid someday, she kindly requests 27 bottles of scotch, just like Roberta got for having Johnie!

Post from: Sirened

We then spent the rest of the day walking and drinking around central Amsterdam. The city was completely overrun by people and subsequently garbage. And for some reason, drunk people seem to think it’s cool to throw their empty beer cans into the canals.

This was the biggest party I’ve ever seen, I’ve been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans but this was even bigger. Part of it was because not only were the streets packed, but the canals were packed with boats, many of which were packed with people. There were so many boats in the busiest canals that if you had to use the bathroom you could just jump boats to get out of the canal (or use the canal of course). Mardi Gras in New Orleans is also more controlled, while there were Dutch police around, I personally didn’t see anyone get arrested, despite the drunken anarchy throughout the city.

When the sun went down we decided to start making our way home so as not to deal with the crowded public transportation. And we made the otherwise hour long walk home an event since we turned it into a pub crawl. The first bar we stopped in was very local and people were unwinding from a long Queen’s Day. We talked to a few Dutch people that said they don’t like Queen’s Day because they don’t like having an ambiguous Queen, even though this massive national holiday isn’t about the Queen anymore.

Queen’s Day is a fantastic event that I highly recommend, but if you ever want to come for one in Amsterdam make sure to book a hotel or hostel 6 months in advance. This place gets packed!

I’ll be showing more Queen’s Day pictures later this week in my Jackass Amsterdam Pictures of the Week.

Photo Credit: Personal Collection

Post from: Sirened

Hope the Easter Bunny filled your sack with lots of eggs!

Photo from Wikimedia Commons 

Post from: Sirened

This is a picture of the Chicago River in what I presume is either St. Patrick’s Day or a day in which leprechans turned out in mass to have a giant piss.

I will say, that green looks a whole lot better than murky brown. Cheers everyone!

Photo from Wikimedia Commons

Post from: Sirened

‘The Decider’ image from this joint

Post from: Sirened

But seriously, can I suggest not going to a chain restaurant? If you don’t have a reservation or know of a nice place that actually won’t be packed (I don’t) then grab some candles and a cookbook. And perhaps some wine or a bottle of tequila, whatever pleases your lady and increases your GLF (Getting Laid Factor).

I know on Valentines Day there is plenty of business to go around but why support a largely b/s industry if you don’t have to? If you’re looking for consistency in a restaurant, chains can provide some of that, but if you’ve worked in one or frequent them a lot then you know better. Some days that slaw tastes awfully fresher than other days!

In college I waited tables at a Bennigan’s and worked one Valentines Day and was baffled by the fact that we had insane waits throughout the entire night. For Bennigan’s?!? Probably the highlight (lowlight) of the evening was this random guy (that’s putting it nicely) who brought his Russian mail order bride in and she kept asking the prices of mixed drinks…classy stuff.

Chains aren’t just plastic and largely mediocre, they are also overpriced because you’re paying for their advertising, franchise fees and high volume locations. So unless it’s absolutely convenient, no day is a great day for chain food, especially Valentines Day.

Macaroni Grill image from this joint.

Post from: Sirened

Alabama primaries
Alaska caucuses
Arizona primaries
Arkansas primaries
California primaries
Colorado caucuses
Connecticut primaries
Delaware primaries
Georgia primaries
Idaho caucuses    (D)
Illinois primaries
Kansas caucuses (D)
Massachusetts primaries
Minnesota primaries
Missouri primaries
Montana caucuses (R)
New Jersey primaries
New Mexico primary (D)
New York primaries
North Dakota caucuses
Oklahoma primaries
Tennessee primaries
Utah primaries
West Virginia convention

So if you live in any of these states, make sure you get out and vote. And since it’s Fat Tuesday too, why not vote drunk!

Fat Tuesday image from this place.

Post from: Sirened

My posts normally have a comedic spin so I need to keep with the theme here. How do whites in South Carolina celebrate this day? Do they fly the confederate flag at their State Capitol building even higher?

Anyways, in remembrance…

Dr. King image from here.

Post from: Sirened