Sirened

Yesterday was just another day in John McCain’s train wreck journey toward the White House. Here we see George-John BuCain telling everyone to stay out of the sun, while standing in the sun.
Considering the unbelievable disaster that is the current state of the United States, how many points do you think Obama would be up right now if he was white? Combine this with the fact that McCain is a bumbling old man that makes no sense and my guess is 25 points. I’d say an all white Obama would be at around 60% and McCain would be at 35%. …read more

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Oil Companies? Oil Speculators? Irresponsible consumers? Irresponsible governments? Nope, according to this new John McCain ad, there is only one person to blame for $4 a gallon gas and that is Barack Obama.

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Holy crap, I had to watch about two minutes of this clip before I realized this was real and not a joke. Here’s a terribly wonderful infomercial from 1994 about “mastering the internet”, featuring Napoleon Dynamites brother’s doppelganger and filmed in Florida, of course.
Did you know that in 1994 there were 10,000 people using Al Gore’s internets?-”And in the next decade that number is expected to go up by 50%.” Wow, he really goes out on a limb with that projection. I mean seriously, he really thought that 15,000 people would be on the internet by 2004? Yeah sure, and …read more

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Another month has come and gone, and slowly we’re all getting older and crustier. Here’s a look back at some of the highlights from June.
Prescription drugs kill more people than illegal drugs. We also learned that nobody in the state of Florida died from marijuana in 2007.
The fact that nobody died from marijuana in Florida led me to wonder, is it even humanely possible to die from an overdose of weed?
June saw Europe go nuts with Euro Cup fever. So I decided to list 10 things that annoy me about soccer.
John McCain might be old and decrepit now, but …read more

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The US economy needs a jump start and perhaps the presidential elections will be just the ticket. At the moment you can pick up John McCain condoms at McCaincondoms.com. Don’t think these are just novelty condoms either, they are in fact the real deal!
McCain condoms are “old but not expired” and the site advertises that you should “give your ‘troops’ the protection they need.”
The condoms aren’t cheap, they are $9.95 for a pair plus $3 for shipping and handling. But hey, if you want to last longer I’m sure seeing John McCain on your johnson will be right for …read more

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Last week Stephen Colbert gave America an important mission, to make John McCain more exciting. He said it would be like putting a man on the moon, only harder.
Now the YouTubes have created all sorts of embarrassing John McCain stuff, everything from speaking to Darth Vader to being at a rave. Of course this pales in comparison to the serious YouTube videos where McCain flip flops on every single issue imaginable.
Anyways, here’s John McCain with Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction. After this little scare McCain flew to France to meet with fellow womanizer Nicholas Sarkosy, where …read more

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Evidently President Numb Nuts has another birthday coming up because despite his presidency, the Earth still managed another revolution around the sun. Also, he’s managed not to stab himself to death because the White House staff puts corks on his forks so he can eat his apple sauce, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels style!
Anyways, Laura Bush sent me and millions of other schmucks who are on the RNC mailing list an email to remind us that George BuCain will be celebrating his 62nd birthday on July 6th. And while it’s still 18 days away it’s never too early to sign his card …read more

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Here’s John Cusack’s little ad for Moveon.org that attacks John McCain. Cusack wants to know if you can tell the difference between George BuCain and John McBush.
It’s clear that the star of Drop Dead Fred is an Obama supporter. I say we let the celebrities caucus to decide our next president, it’s about as fair as the current electoral system.

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This short clip from CNN crunches the numbers. In a nutshell, if you make less than $112,000 a year, you will get a bigger tax break with a Barack Obama presidency than a John McCain presidency. But if you make over $2.9 million a year, ouch, Obama plans to raise your taxes by $700,000!
So Sirened recommends that readers who make less than $161,000 a year vote for Barack Obama (even at that income level Obama plans to cut taxes by almost as much as McCain). And readers who make over $2.9 million should vote for John McCain since he …read more

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While these days John McCain looks more like Emperor Palpetine, there was a time (during Shakespeare’s era) that Johnie Mac was big pimpin’-. I’ve talked before about John McCain’s Brazilian sexcapade, when he was a young buck in the Navy, doing what sailors do best on shore leave-getting drunk and hammering home some locals.
What’s been coming up more in the news lately though is McCain’s first wife, Carol McCain. She wasn’t discussed so much during the primaries because McCain’s mother Roberta kept her locked in the nuclear bunker under her home. She was then released when McCain became the presumptive …read more

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