Holy crap, I had to watch about two minutes of this clip before I realized this was real and not a joke. Here’s a terribly wonderful infomercial from 1994 about “mastering the internet”, featuring Napoleon Dynamites brother’s doppelganger and filmed in Florida, of course.

Did you know that in 1994 there were 10,000 people using Al Gore’s internets?-”And in the next decade that number is expected to go up by 50%.” Wow, he really goes out on a limb with that projection. I mean seriously, he really thought that 15,000 people would be on the internet by 2004? Yeah sure, and the United States government would owe billions to China!

Anyways, speaking of mastering internets, John McCain admits he is starting to learn. In a recent New York Times interview, McCain said that for now, his staffers open the internets for him but says “I am learning to get online myself, and I will have that down fairly soon, getting on myself.”

Wow, McCain simply must pick up these wonderful video tapes about mastering internet tubes. If he did he would have access to powerful tools, such as finding out the weather in Dallas…in just 10 minutes. So George BuCain, what are you waiting for? Call today!

Post from: Sirened

Holy cannelloni! It’s a spicy meataball! The Italian Club of Seattle has come out and criticized this political ad put out by the Washington State Democratic Party as being “racist.”

The ad against Washington state gubernatorial candidate and Italian American Dino Rossi (R) portrays him as having some shady business connections, pretty standard in politics. Problem: the ad is set to the theme song of The Sopranos!

Come on, at least it’s a good song and it’s not like it shows anyone getting whacked. It only implies people are getting whacked.

Post from: Sirened

This is Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary talking about Ryanair’s plans for transcontinental flights. In economy you’ll be able to fly dirt cheap, but they’ll be no frills, so you’ll have to bring your own oral sex. To compensate, business class seats will be very expensive because they will include blow jobs. So screw you Virgin Airlines!

And wow, while American air travel continues to get suckier and suckier by the day, Ryanair plans to literally get you sucked while you fly.

Post from: Sirened

I fully immersed myself in my Jackass Amsterdam Pictures of the Week segment by partaking in The Netherlands biggest holiday and dressing up like well…a jackass.

Gary Kasparov and the Flying Penis Helicopter inspired me to create a new ‘LOL’ category.

In Obama Leads Panamanian Candidate John McCain in National Polls, I look into the reason why John McCain is struggling with his base: their racism towards Latins.

When people complain about high oil prices, they often forget about the oil companies, who are massively affected because it takes oil to ship oil.

Barack Obama is doing so smashingly that he even won the endorsement of a former KKK member in our beloved Senate.

I invented an Amsterdam cocktail but have yet to try it out of fear that it may make me think that I know how to fly.

photo credit: my dumb ass

Post from: Sirened

There is a hysterical congressional race heating up between Missouri republican incumbent Sam Graves and his democratic opponent Kay Barnes. Graves has decided to go with page 1 of his 1 page play book- the 1980’s gay disco attack method. It’s a trick play along the lines of the “statue of liberty” play in football, as would be called if Larry Craig was head coach.

What’s almost just as funny (but not quite) is Kay Barnes TV ad in response (below) showing these very same 1980’s gay disco dancing people! By golly Sam Graves is right about her! Remember to vote Graves in November, if you don’t live in Missouri yet, perhaps this lot will change your mind.

Post from: Sirened

This is a hilarious video of Faux News favorite Bill O’Reilly from back in the day on Inside Edition, his teleprompter doesn’t work and he goes absolutely bat shit over it. He kinda reminds me of a far far more intense version of Bill Murray’s weatherman character in the film Groundhog Day.

Anyways, this is another one for the ‘LOL’ category that I started earlier this week after I witnessed the totally awesome Gary Kasparov flying penis helicopter video.

Post from: Sirened

It’s not very often that I discuss Russian politics on this site because frankly it’s usually not that funny, what with the poisoning of political dissidents and growing Nazi youth movement. This however, is a rare exception that is most definitely worth a minimum of two viewings. I challenge you to watch this video just once and not want to see Gary Kasparov’s heroic sidekick firmly swat the flying penis helicopter out of the air…again and perhaps again! NBA shot blocking specialist Marcus Camby, eat your heart out!

Kasparov, former chess world champion and outspoken critic of Russian “democracy,” was giving a political speech when all of a sudden he was rudely interrupted by a flying dildo contraption. Was someone trying to point something out here?? I’ve gotta hand it to new Russian prime minister Dimitry Medvedev, Putin was a real stiff about allowing such pranks to tarnish the glorious image of Russia.

Post from: Sirened