Sirened

I’m Paul Springer, the other new writer at Sirened. Alex has been here all along; we both came over with the acquisition of Level 9 Media last year. I’ve been the writer at StarkedSF.com, which is being merged into Sirened.
My specialities include abrasive commentary and merciless satire.
Here’s a reprint of some opinions I expressed over Il Douche’s war rhetoric.
(A couple of caveats: I’m not on anyone’s side. I often refer to the current president as Il Douche, a heartfelt nod to the dictator Benito Mussolini, or Il Duce.)
Title: Bush on Iraq, or Satan’s Codpiece Speaks.
Every American …read more

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I’ve now been living in the Netherlands for nearly 5 months and aside from missing my family, friends and a good hamburger I barely even care about visiting the USA. Though there could be two reasons for this: 1)I haven’t been gone long enough and 2)I am actually visiting Florida in October on my way to South America for 2 weeks.
Anyways, here are 10 reasons why I definitely have no interest in ever living in the USA again.
10)The fact that the United States has become a modern day Nazi Germany, nobody can stop the United States government from doing whatever …read more

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I normally don’t directly express my opinion on political matters, but I am going to on this issue. While it’s nice that the District of Columbia carries electoral votes and therefore counts in terms of electing the president, it’s rather ridiculous that they don’t have a vote in the United States Congress.
The District of Columbia is represented by Eleanor Holmes Norton (as seen on The Colbert Report) in the House of Representatives, but she’s prohibited from actually voting. Thereby giving the people of D.C. no voice in Congress.
There is a website called DCVote.org that is working to lobby Congress …read more

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The recent “re-election” of Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe got me thinking, what sort of qualities are required to be the campaign manager of a dictatorial African election? And what types of decisions need to be made in order to secure victory?
First, qualifications of a campaign manager:
1)Military experience preferred (not so much as to overtake it though).
2)Must show an ability to intimidate.
3)Must not be afraid to destroy dissidents.
Strategies involved:
1)Must arm supporters (this is usually easier for the incumbent dictator, particular if he also heads the military). If the dictator in power does not control the military however, the general who does …read more

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Woohoo! The Democratic National Convention is just over a month away and homeless people can barely contain their excitement. Why? Because they’re going to the zoo!
Not only that, but the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless is also planning on scoring them 500 movie tickets as well as tickets for the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. That’s fantastic because if there’s one thing that homeless people are deprived of, it’s being in touch with nature.
Now the naysayers out there are suggesting that this is just a cheap ploy to get rid of the homeless who would otherwise be in close …read more

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Holy crap, I had to watch about two minutes of this clip before I realized this was real and not a joke. Here’s a terribly wonderful infomercial from 1994 about “mastering the internet”, featuring Napoleon Dynamites brother’s doppelganger and filmed in Florida, of course.
Did you know that in 1994 there were 10,000 people using Al Gore’s internets?-”And in the next decade that number is expected to go up by 50%.” Wow, he really goes out on a limb with that projection. I mean seriously, he really thought that 15,000 people would be on the internet by 2004? Yeah sure, and …read more

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It wasn’t until my recent trip to Scandinavia that I learned that Red Bull has actually been banned in some countries. First I learned that it’s illegal in Denmark, then upon further reading I found out that it’s also banned in France and Norway.
So why is this magical drink that “gives you wings” banned in several countries? Apparently it’s all because a few people have died from it and these governments are concerned with the high levels of taurine and caffeine in the beverages. In fact, a new Danish friend that initially brought this to my attention said “it’s dangerous …read more

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For South Park fans out there, many might remember the episode where Stan’s Dad, Randy Marsh screws up the final puzzle on Wheel of Fortune and comes under heavy ridicule.
The puzzle: “people who annoy you- n_ggers.” The answer of course is…naggers. That however was not the response that Randy Marsh gave and so he had to apologize to Jesse Jackson in a special way.
Anyways, seeing as how Jesse Jackson wants to cut Barack Obama’s nuts off, I thought this clip was good viewing. Kiss it!

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From this day forward things just won’t be the same. Thanks for the great memories public smoking, you will be missed…
Smoking in Bars, Restaurants and Clubs: Long ass time ago-June 30th, 2008
photo credit: me

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Another month has come and gone, and slowly we’re all getting older and crustier. Here’s a look back at some of the highlights from June.
Prescription drugs kill more people than illegal drugs. We also learned that nobody in the state of Florida died from marijuana in 2007.
The fact that nobody died from marijuana in Florida led me to wonder, is it even humanely possible to die from an overdose of weed?
June saw Europe go nuts with Euro Cup fever. So I decided to list 10 things that annoy me about soccer.
John McCain might be old and decrepit now, but …read more

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