Foley achieved notoriety last year for DingDongDangling e-mails to young congressional pages.  But the communication technically didn’t take place in Florida, according to the state’s Department of Law Enforcement, so forget about it.

This is just one of the vile tricks being pulled in dark corners as the world gapes at apocalyptic headlines.

It’s the American Way!

Image courtesy of the gubment.

Post from: Sirened

Admittedly, McCain generally displays the deft political footwork of a crash test dummy. But the choice of Palin is so idiotic that there must be more to it than just poor judgment.

So if McCain consciously chose to put Alaska baked trailer trash on his ticket, why did he do it? (Don’t miss amusing photos at Perez Hilton.)

The only truly plausible theory is that he’s going after the stupid vote. With a dash of hypocrisy thrown in.

As governor of Alaska, P-Douche slashed funding for programs to help pregnant teens.

Most hilariously, McCain’s flacks are already trying to roll out the old Republican strategy of putting themselves outside the sphere of their own self-righteous moral pontification.

As reported by the Chicago Tribune: “It’s a private family matter. Life happens in families,” Steve Schmidt, McCain’s top strategist, told reporters. “If people try to politicize this, the American people will be appalled by it.”

Maybe McCain has actually found the holy grail of American Republican electioneering: an appeal exactly suited for rigid moral dictators who want to talk about having less government intervention while shrewishly legislating tons of it–laws against abortion and sex education, same-sex marriage–for everyone except themselves.

Expect McCain’s new book to show up in Borders by the end of the week: The Joy of Hypocrisy, Or How I Got Fifty Million More People to Vote in 2008.

Image courtesy of U.S. government.

Post from: Sirened

In a June 10th article on Politico.com, Johansson said “You’d imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly ‘on’ — how can he return these personal e-mails?” Yeah sure, you would think that if it was Rosie O’Donnell or Whoopi Goldberg but it’s Scarlett Johansson. You make time!

In that Politico interview, Johansson also talked about how she’s helping her crush get elected president “I’ll tell them I have some extra time, and ask where they can use me for two days. I’ll do cold calls, public service announcements, all different things to help out.” Cold calls! Can you imagine sitting on your couch and having the phone ring to find Johansson on the other end? You may want to nuke Iran, but you’ll probably give Scarlett a couple minutes.

Anyways, Michelle Obama must be on Barack’s ass about this because yesterday he came out and denied that Scarlett even has his personal email, saying an email was passed through his personal assistant Reggie Love. Barack said “she sent one email to Reggie, who forwarded it to me. I write saying, ‘thank you Scarlett for doing what you do,’ and suddenly we have this email relationship.”

So either Scarlett Johansson is delusional or Barack Obama is lying, either way Michelle is a drag and Scarlett must be crushed. Come on, even Natalie Portman recently said that Scarlett’s breasts are so spectacular that even she wanted to touch them. Geez, when are we going to have a bachelor running for president? Oh yeah, we had Bill Clinton, never mind!

image: flickr

Post from: Sirened

This is Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary talking about Ryanair’s plans for transcontinental flights. In economy you’ll be able to fly dirt cheap, but they’ll be no frills, so you’ll have to bring your own oral sex. To compensate, business class seats will be very expensive because they will include blow jobs. So screw you Virgin Airlines!

And wow, while American air travel continues to get suckier and suckier by the day, Ryanair plans to literally get you sucked while you fly.

Post from: Sirened

McCain condoms are “old but not expired” and the site advertises that you should “give your ‘troops’ the protection they need.”

The condoms aren’t cheap, they are $9.95 for a pair plus $3 for shipping and handling. But hey, if you want to last longer I’m sure seeing John McCain on your johnson will be right for you!

So head over today and pick up John McCain’s stimulus package.

photo credit: flickr

Post from: Sirened

To quote the film EuroTrip “Poppy juice!…Now with pulp.”

photo credit: personal collection

*Lekker means “delicious” in Dutch and is used to describe everything from great food to nice balcony views to yes, even “delicious babes.”

Post from: Sirened

What’s been coming up more in the news lately though is McCain’s first wife, Carol McCain. She wasn’t discussed so much during the primaries because McCain’s mother Roberta kept her locked in the nuclear bunker under her home. She was then released when McCain became the presumptive nominee.

Back in the day Carol McCain was a nice catch for Johnie McBush, she was a model and McCain had a thing for models. But an unfortunate and ironic thing happened when Johnie was captured by ‘Charlie’ and while having his testicles electroshocked, his wife was in a terrible car accident that left her temporarily paralyzed.

When McCain came home from Vietnam he was probably surprised to find that his ex-model wife was still waiting around for him-then he saw why. Due to the nature of her severe injuries, doctors had to remove parts of her legs that left her 6 inches shorter, she had also put on weight and was in crutches. In a nutshell, she was no longer acceptable or useful to playboy McCain.

McCain has admitted to having girlfriends while his disfigured wife waited around at home for him. One of those was his now wife Cindy who was very attractive, 18 years his younger and rich with powerful connections-perfect for an ambitious ladies man like McCain.

Having found his golden ticket, Johnie wasted no time dumping the old and marrying the new. Cindy has proved a suitable wife for McCain, except of course when he’s had affairs. These days McCain is too old for womanizing however, preferring instead to run for president in order to enact his ‘Dr. Strangelove’ style apocalypse. Bomb bomb bomb Iran-what else is a powerful washed up playboy supposed to do anyways?

photo credit: flickr creative commons

Post from: Sirened

Congressional democrats will fund the Iraq war so they can end it. It’s that Catch-22 logic.
NY Times readership is down, NBC’s Brian Williams mocks them on his blog.

Eliot Spitzer prostitute Ashley Dupre suing Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis for being a douche bag. But hey, who isn’t?

Last year 7% of Americans got married so they could get health insurance. Wow, so Mitt Romney’s secret health plan is working!

Those pesky Tibetan monks are trying to insight some riots again. This time pissing off Chinese students at USC.

Creepy story about a Dad who gets his 18 year old daughter involved in legalized Nevada prostitution, even giving her bikini waxes.

Bill O’Reilly weighs in on Miley Cyrus. Why the hell not?

OPEC representative warns that oil may hit $200 a barrel!

Supreme Court rules that it is not unconstitutional for states to require a photo ID to vote.

44 US deaths so far makes April the deadliest month in Iraq since September.

Post from: Sirened

Well, like most sailors tales of shore leave, John McCain’s reads something like a raunchy Hustler magazine…In 1957, upon docking on the beautiful shores of Rio De Janeiro, McCain wasted little time hitting the sauce hard and fondling the locals ever so gentlemanly. This story summarizes what McCain wrote in his 1999 memoirs of a time when he was not senile.

The story involves McCain bragging about his conquest of a Brazilian model and a romantic tale that involved him revisiting the country twice for more hot Latin action. I wonder how many times McCain revisited this memory when “Charlie” had him digging ditches on a bowl of white rice.

I must say that I am impressed. I thought McCain was just some stiff who was in the wrong place at the wrong time while serving his country. But hey, he was a sailor and he did what sailors do best-shore leave!

I’m also surprised by McCain’s attraction to something darker than the Pillsbury dough girl (if there was one).

Photo from flickr Creative Commons

Post from: Sirened

The Democrats and Tennessee Senate candidate, Harold Ford Jr. (D), are outraged over this ad currently being ran in the state. The Republican candidate Bob Corker and Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman have distanced themselves from the ad, saying that they don’t agree with it but have no control over it being ran.

Ken Mehlman says he writes a check to an independent individual who subsequently runs the ads. The system is a wonderful way of running negative smear campaigns against an opponent and then claiming no responsibilty for it. As the Irish Guiness men would say BRILLIANT!!

But come on, so what if it appeals to racists in Tennesse because an attractive blond girl is telling Ford to call her. Good for him that he is popular with the ladies!

Post from: Sirened