SIRENED: Dirty Politics,Cleaned

Now I Don’t Want to Get Off On a Rant Here But…

by Alex on September 18th, 2007

This month’s theme day here in the Travel & Culture Channel is “rants” and it got me thinking back to the old “Dennis Miller Live” shows on HBO. In my opinion one of the most underrated shows of all time because Miller’s combined political/social humor, wit, innapropriateness and obscurity was simply unmatched, yet when the show ended I could not find any seasons on DVD. That was the old Dennis Miller however; Dennis Miller 2.0 is still funny but nothing like he was on that show. He’s also not the same person as apparently it was 9/11 that changed him into being an uber conservative Bush lover.

Anyways, in memory of “Dennis Miller Live” and his outrageously funny monologues which I can’t possibly do justice…Now I don’t want to get off on a rant here but what the hell has happened to accountability and common sense in this country? Our politicians are being held as accountable for their actions as much as Charlie Sheen is for a Friday night in Tijuana. Even OJ Simpson has to think sometimes, who the hell do these guys think they are? Do they think they can get away with murder?

Our ‘Decider’ has ruined the lives of more Americans than Osama Bin Laden ever has and how does our Congress punish him? By being too scared to stop him from recklessly driving our nation off the cliff of sanity. Congress bashes Bush more than Rush Limbaugh bashes cripples, yet when push comes to shove it’s just more talk than a Terrell Owens pre-game warm up.

And what about all this campaigning and waste to be promised the moon and only given a telescope and kick to the ass? Our Presidential campaigns last longer than Pacman Jones’ NFL career and a Whitney Houston coke bender. We have Republican candidates who want to cause more destruction than Doctor Strangelove and Democrats who are as contradictory as a “no shirt, no shoes, no service” sign at a Mississippi 7-11. These guys cross each other more than a Catholic priest after choir practice yet perform more reach arounds than Larry Craig in a San Francisco airport bathroom.

And what about the people these politicians pander to? Some of them live in more darkness than an Iraqi police station and others are more up themselves than Paris Hilton’s pocket rocket. Some would like to see the Middle East wiped off the face of the Earth more than they want to keep their pensions.

And with the excuse of terrorism, Americans have been stripped of more freedoms than a sailor fresh off shore leave and Valtrex. Sometimes when I talk on the phone I like to say hi to any potential NSA listeners, just to show that I care about them as much as the supervisor of a Cantonese sweat shop does for the 12 year old that cut off their pinky making the latest Thomas the Tank toy.

People complain about immigration but our government has allowed more people to run through us than the turnstiles at Magic Kingdom. And what about perks to lobbyists? These goons have made “Price Is Right” giveaways look like handouts at the local soup kitchen. Washington has gotten so out of hand that it makes Las Vegas look like the Poughkeepsie county fair.

And what about religious values in this country? Some Christian fundamentalists have more pent up aggression than a rabid Mike Tyson trying to cross the Brooklyn bridge during rush hour. They say they’re pro-life but if it were up to them they would make the Salem witch trials look like “Judge Judy.” These people stir up more things than Rachel Ray if she were on crystal meth doing charity work in a Somalian village. 

And what about our prison system? We have more guys taking it up the poop shoot for crimes that would make a Dutch judge laugh himself out of his clogs. Even China has less prisoners than we do, we fry up more people than a busy Bangkok food vendor sizzling cockroaches.

But I’m sure all will get squared away right? After all, we have elections coming up in over a year and the winner promises to make our nation more heavenly than the quarters the Pope resides in. Speaking of the Pope, does that guy have some fashion sense or what? His outfits make Versacci look like the formal attire of Richard Simmons speaking at a fat camp graduation. Speaking of gay…

Image from this place.

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POSTED IN: 2008 Elections, George Bush, Iraq, Politics, Presidential Race, Sirened