SIRENED: Dirty Politics,Cleaned

Reviewing the Democratic Race to the Whitehouse

by Alex on August 8th, 2007

Well, the rat race is well under way and they are only turning the first corner in what John Stewart has coined “Clusterfuck to the Whitehouse.”

These guys and gal having been talking and debating for months and will be doing so for far too much longer. So let’s have a look at each of the candidates. If you want to take a closer look at anyone, there are links to their official campaign websites, just beware, they want your money! And some of them need your money badly.

In the blue corner, weighing in at not tough enough on terror, we have the Democrats.

Hillary Clinton has become the Democratic frontrunner by speaking well, showing her experience and cashing in on her immense political power. She’s also moved ahead by becoming softer and more down to Earth, a departure from the rigid Hillary that started the campaign. The Clintons are political geniuses and barring a major gaff or perhaps a surprise late addition of Al Gore, I don’t see her blowing the huge lead she has accumulated for the Democratic nomination.

Barack Obama seems pretty desperate at the moment. His inexperience really showed at the Youtube debates and subsequently he has fallen 20 points behind Hillary in the race. He went from saying that he would sit down with the leaders of America’s “enemies” to saying that he would bomb threatening areas of Pakistan if that government did not comply with his demands. Big mistake.

John Edwards loves to talk about his humble background and yet somehow managed to get a $400 haircut. Talk about sticker shock! He also managed to accumulate his millions as a trial lawyer who “took on the big insurance companies.” He says that he is pro life but his wife is pro choice. Very convenient and a brilliant way to capture many southern Democrats.

Joe Biden along with Hillary are the two most experienced Democrats vying to be President. Biden is chair of the Foreign Relations committee and has served in the Senate for over 30 years. Unfortunately, he suffers from John Kerry syndrome and says some extraordinarily dumb things for a smart man. On the day he announced he was running for president, he praised Barack Obama by saying that it was great to have a black candidate who is “well spoken and clean.” Big time oops.  

Chris Dodd has been asked the question of whether or not he supports gay marriage on at least two occasions. And on both those occasions he cited his tolerance based on the fact that he has two young daughters and how he would feel if they grew up to be gay. John Stewart joked that they are growing up to be hypothetical lesbians used for political debate.

Bill Richardson was torn at the Youtube debates whether to raise his hand to the question of whether he had flown in on a private jet that day. At first he didn’t raise his hand, then he looked around and saw the frontrunners with hands raised and reluctantly and indecisively raised his. Anderson Cooper asked why he looked confused and Richardson said it was because he had flown in on a private jet the day previous. Yes, big difference!

Dennis Kucinich stands with John Edwards as the only two candidates who also ran for the 2004 nomination. Kucinich was single at the time and said he would entertain offers from ladies to be a possible first lady. Kucinich finished way down in the race but landed a very attractive young wife. He looks to hold on to her through 2008. Especially since Joe Biden said at the Youtube debates that the thing he likes most about Dennis is his wife.

Mike Gravel has provided great comic relief in the debates thus far, especially the one at Howard University when he kept yelling about the war on drugs. He’s a cranky old dude with some serious beef, but rightfully so. He, like Kucinich, raises issues and makes poignant comments that the mainstream candidates don’t. Unlike the rest of the candidates who stood united in the beginning, Gravel made his first order of business to bash all of them for being corrupt and hypocritical. And he was as subtle as a sledgehammer to the forehead in doing so.

So that’s a wrap on the Dems, stay tuned for the Republican review to come.  

Share This

Related Stories

Aww, Flowers For Me?
Down the Stretch They Come!
Hilarious Missouri Congressional Race
SIRENED POLL OF POLLS: McCain Takes First Lead
Spotlight on West Virginia and Racist Senator Robert Byrd…Yee Haw!

POSTED IN: 2008 Elections, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Politics, Presidential Race