First, qualifications of a campaign manager:

1)Military experience preferred (not so much as to overtake it though).

2)Must show an ability to intimidate.

3)Must not be afraid to destroy dissidents.

Strategies involved:

1)Must arm supporters (this is usually easier for the incumbent dictator, particular if he also heads the military). If the dictator in power does not control the military however, the general who does makes for a great opposition candidate.

2)The areas with the largest concentration of opponents must have the greatest obstacles to vote. Opponents should be willing to dodge machine gun fire.

3)Feeding supporters. People need to eat and if you feed them right before they hit the ballot box, this will be taken into heavy consideration.

4)How many dead people can vote without the UN noticing? Of course, this doesn’t really matter anyways as the UN can only voice their displeasure, without taking significant action.

I’m not sure I have what it takes for this position but I’m willing to discuss any offers. If you are a dictator in power or a general seeking power and are interested in my services, please email me.

photo credit: flickr

Post from: Sirened

9)Will I have access to the company hooker?

8)Will you cover for me if my wife calls?

7)These are high speed shredders right?

6)Your wife is beautiful, she looks an awful lot like my ex.

5)Will you guys set up my offshore account or do I have to take care of that myself?

4)Look, I’m an accountant, playing with numbers is my thing, do the big boys want to make some real money here or are you content with your little scraps? (play this one by ear though)

3)Leadership skills? In college I was president of Sigma Chi and led a successful pantie raid on the Delta Delta Delta house. We even framed the Pikes for it because they had a reputation as the date rape frat. That shows I can lead and assess blame.

2)Where do I see myself in 10 years? Hopefully I’ll be sitting in your seat. I mean sorry, I’m sure your “retirement” party and severance package will be lovely.

1)Team building is definitely important. At my old job a colleague and I had a contest to see who could sleep with the most women in the office.

photo credit: flickr

Post from: Sirened