Sirened

The US economy needs a jump start and perhaps the presidential elections will be just the ticket. At the moment you can pick up John McCain condoms at McCaincondoms.com. Don’t think these are just novelty condoms either, they are in fact the real deal!
McCain condoms are “old but not expired” and the site advertises that you should “give your ‘troops’ the protection they need.”
The condoms aren’t cheap, they are $9.95 for a pair plus $3 for shipping and handling. But hey, if you want to last longer I’m sure seeing John McCain on your johnson will be right for …read more

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Last week Stephen Colbert gave America an important mission, to make John McCain more exciting. He said it would be like putting a man on the moon, only harder.
Now the YouTubes have created all sorts of embarrassing John McCain stuff, everything from speaking to Darth Vader to being at a rave. Of course this pales in comparison to the serious YouTube videos where McCain flip flops on every single issue imaginable.
Anyways, here’s John McCain with Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction. After this little scare McCain flew to France to meet with fellow womanizer Nicholas Sarkosy, where …read more

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Evidently President Numb Nuts has another birthday coming up because despite his presidency, the Earth still managed another revolution around the sun. Also, he’s managed not to stab himself to death because the White House staff puts corks on his forks so he can eat his apple sauce, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels style!
Anyways, Laura Bush sent me and millions of other schmucks who are on the RNC mailing list an email to remind us that George BuCain will be celebrating his 62nd birthday on July 6th. And while it’s still 18 days away it’s never too early to sign his card …read more

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Here’s John Cusack’s little ad for Moveon.org that attacks John McCain. Cusack wants to know if you can tell the difference between George BuCain and John McBush.
It’s clear that the star of Drop Dead Fred is an Obama supporter. I say we let the celebrities caucus to decide our next president, it’s about as fair as the current electoral system.

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This short clip from CNN crunches the numbers. In a nutshell, if you make less than $112,000 a year, you will get a bigger tax break with a Barack Obama presidency than a John McCain presidency. But if you make over $2.9 million a year, ouch, Obama plans to raise your taxes by $700,000!
So Sirened recommends that readers who make less than $161,000 a year vote for Barack Obama (even at that income level Obama plans to cut taxes by almost as much as McCain). And readers who make over $2.9 million should vote for John McCain since he …read more

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While these days John McCain looks more like Emperor Palpetine, there was a time (during Shakespeare’s era) that Johnie Mac was big pimpin’-. I’ve talked before about John McCain’s Brazilian sexcapade, when he was a young buck in the Navy, doing what sailors do best on shore leave-getting drunk and hammering home some locals.
What’s been coming up more in the news lately though is McCain’s first wife, Carol McCain. She wasn’t discussed so much during the primaries because McCain’s mother Roberta kept her locked in the nuclear bunker under her home. She was then released when McCain became the presumptive …read more

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Last night John Stewart wrapped up the historic events of Tuesday: Barack Obama becoming the first African-American nominee for president of the United States, Hillary Clinton getting more votes than anyone in history (according to Clintonian math) and John McCain speaking in New Orleans to a small group of hobos.
At least Hillary has made it known that she will officially concede on Friday, psych, Saturday. Yay, the “long baton death march to the White House” will finally be over-for the democrats. And just 5 more months until the general election, and then an additional month for the Supreme Court …read more

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Before Barack Obama claimed the democratic nomination last night, crabby old John McCain came out to complain about him because he is ageist towards young people. McCain warned old people in New Orleans that if Barack Obama gets elected president he will steal their prescription medications, sell them on the black market and use the money for crack. McCain believes this is “change you can’t believe in.”
What are changes to believe in with a McCain presidency?
-A mandate requiring restaurants to offer their senior menu to both citizens and illegal Panamanians starting at the age of 50.
-Pesky “public school” earmarks will …read more

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It’s been an exciting month here on Sirened and here’s a wrap on some of the highlights:
I fully immersed myself in my Jackass Amsterdam Pictures of the Week segment by partaking in The Netherlands biggest holiday and dressing up like well…a jackass.
Gary Kasparov and the Flying Penis Helicopter inspired me to create a new ‘LOL’ category.
In Obama Leads Panamanian Candidate John McCain in National Polls, I look into the reason why John McCain is struggling with his base: their racism towards Latins.
When people complain about high oil prices, they often forget about the oil companies, who are massively affected because …read more

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Everyone knows he’s black right? Ok, just checking. That was a public service announcement on behalf of Hillary ‘I Will Get More White Votes’ Clinton.
Some Americans may not know Obama is black yet however, as new polls show him 8 points ahead of John McCain, 48%-40%. I assume the other 12% of voters said they will support the real American that is running for president.
If that’s the case, it doesn’t matter that Obama is black because he would garner additional support as not being the foreigner on the ballot come November. For those who don’t know, John McCain is …read more

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